Marriage Or Something Like It
by allyb1985
Summary: Edward and Isabella Masen are enjoying the beginning of their life together when tragedy strikes and changes Edward for the worse.  Can their relationship endure the hardships of grief and loss? Does Bella get kidnapped? How does it change Edward?
1. Prologue: An End at a Beginning

**Welcome to Marriage Or Something Like It. As with all of my other stories, this one is un-beta'd. This story will be dealing with grief, and mental as well as physical abuse, so if you are easily triggered and if this bothers you, please don't read this.**

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**A/N: Doesn't belong to me. Nope. All credit for Twilight goes to Stephenie Meyer. I'm just borrowing her characters.**

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**Prologue**

When Edward Masen moved to Forks, Washington, when I was in the ninth grade, my life changed forever. He caught my eye, I caught his eye. We were a couple ever since I worked up the nerve to introduce myself. He was wonderful, beautiful, sweet and caring with a wonderful crooked smile that always made my day. I never knew what he saw in me, but it didn't matter, he was the love of my life and I couldn't believe I was walking down the aisle to become his wife.

Everything was perfect, most impart to his wonderful mother Elizabeth. The lights were set just right, so that there wasn't too much glare for the photographer, romantic enough for our moment to shine. The soft cream coloured fabric that clung to walls contrasted perfectly against the dark chestnut coloured walls. I didn't know a thing about organizing or decorating for a wedding, but this, this was perfect beyond words. I truly did love my soon to be mother in-law. The setting was just that it made me anxious to be down the aisle and be Mrs. Isabella Masen already.

The guests filled the hall, most of them I didn't know, but I spotted my own mother and father easily. My mother was sobbing softly on her husband, Phil's, shoulder, while my father smiled at me with tears in his eyes. After my mom remarried, my father decided to move to Chicago to be closer to Edward and I. I was his only child and we were very similar, which made us very close. I also had lived with Charlie in Forks, Washington, my whole life, only visiting my mom, in Jacksonville, Florida, on holidays and when she and Phil got married.

Edward had moved us to Chicago so his father could expand his successful law firm to their home town. Edward had a knack for being successful in anything he did, so of course his father thought it would be best that he ran the Chicago branch of his law firm. I wasn't too keen on the idea, but I also couldn't fathom the idea of being away from Edward. And so it was that I would live and be married in Chicago.

The wedding. Back to the wedding, and my wonderful mother in-law. She confided in me before the wedding that she hadn't been feeling well, and to excuse her if she disappeared during the reception. I told her to think nothing of it, she had done so much already and I'm sure we could handle a couple hours entertainment on our own. She was so grateful, it almost made me feel guilty that she did most of the work on her own son's wedding. I offered her my gratitude and she left the reception hall.

Edward and I danced the night away, only letting go of each other to dance with a few relatives and our parents. As the evening was coming to a close, I realized Edward Sr. was nowhere to be seen, and my Edward told me not to be worried about it, his father was most likely with his mother, or taking care of some business.

It was time to leave to our hotel and we were getting ready to sneak away from our guests, when Edwards father burst through the hall doors, tears streaming down his face. Right away my Edwards face fell and his shoulders slumped, the aura of celebration leaving him. He was close to his parents and he didn't like either of them to be anything but happy. Edward Jr. rushed to Edward Sr.'s side and pulled him to a table. The other guests didn't quite know what to do, and milled about, mumbling quietly to themselves. I couldn't hear what my husband and father in-law were talking about, but I knew it wasn't good.

The life was completely gone from both the men's faces. My Edward's face was as white as a ghost and his fathers was gaunt and sallow. My heart dropped and I barely noticed any of the guests any more. Something was horribly wrong. I finally gathered enough courage to walk to my husband, and then I knew. Elizabeth Masen was dead.

The night my wonderful mother in-law died, was the same night my marriage went to hell.

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**Well what did you think? Please review. Constructive criticism is welcomed.**

**Oh and I'm also looking for a beta for this story, if you think you can help me...it would be greatly appreciated.**


	2. Ch 1: 2Years AfterGrief and Anger

**This story will be dealing with grief, and mental as well as physical abuse, so if you are easily triggered and if this bothers you, please don't read this.**

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**A Beta! A Beta! Thank you so much to my beta FERALNESS for helping me. It really does mean a lot to me. **

**Twilight, and Edward, Bella and everyone else in this story, belongs to Stephenie Meyer. **

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**Marriage Or Something Like It**

**Chapter 1**

I sat down on the sofa, and rubbed my feet. It was a long shift of working graveyard at some dead end place. It got me by though, so I wasn't going to complain. Yes Edward, worked, but lately all of his money was going on beer and gambling. Ever since his mom had passed, he had become a bit of a risk taker, and raging alcoholic. We didn't even get the chance to move out of Forks, which had me inwardly cheering. I detested the earlier idea of moving to Chicago, but didn't say anything because the idea of moving to his home town, made Edward very happy.

I went to the kitchen to grab myself a snack before heading to bed, when I heard Edward get up. I held my breath and hoped he was just getting up to use the bathroom. I didn't want to deal with him right now. It was five am, and I just wanted to go to sleep. I closed the fridge door as quietly as I could and tip toed into the living room. I hoped I had gone unnoticed.

"Bella?" Edward called from the top of the stairs. _Darn it! _

"Yes, Edward. I'm just having a snack. I'll be right up." I answered.

I heard foot falls on the steps, as he came stumbling down. Drinking again. Always drinking, always drunk I understood he was grieving the loss of his mother. And taking into consideration how close the two of them had been, I gave him some leeway, but it had been two years. Two whole years of him slipping away from me. Two years of us falling apart, and slowly losing everything we had.

We lived in mine and Charlies house. My dad moved in with Sue Clearwater, after he finally proposed to her, and had given Edward and me the house as a belated wedding gift.

"Bella, my love," he slurred. " I have missed you." His drooping eyes searched for mine as he staggered towards me. I tried not to look disappointed as I steered him toward the sofa.

"I missed you too, Edward." I answered simply, trying to avoid having him breathe on me.

He grabbed my wrists as he flopped on the sofa, pulling me with him. He started groping at my breasts and sloppily kissed and nibbled my neck. With his free hand, he reached under my shirt and tried to undo my bra. I shook my head.

"No, Edward. I'm tired and I just want to go to bed." I protested. My _husband_ would hear nothing of it. His whole demeanor changed to one of dominance.

With one hand wrapped around both my wrist, and the other arm securing me to his body, he flipped us over so that I was pinned under him. I started to protest again, but was effectively silenced with a lip bruising kiss. One hand still had my wrists, while the other was free now to roam my body. I held back tears, but a small squeal of shock escaped me when Edward got a little too rough with his probing fingers.

All of a sudden my wrists were released and Edward was no longer on top of me. I looked to the end of the couch, where I saw my husband curled up in a ball. The look of dominance no longer present. His eyes were wide, as if he was in shock. I wasn't even sure if he was breathing. I didn't know if I should, or could, say anything. He had never been rough with me before, only passionate, and he had been about to force himself on me. To be completely honest, I was more than a little freaked out. I took a moment to breathe, and decided to say something.

"Edward?" I whispered, afraid to speak much louder

For what almost seemed like an eternity, we sat on the sofa. Neither of us moving or speaking. Finally, because I was getting stiff, I slowly moved so that I was sitting up, and eventually shuffled to the end of the couch. My eyes never left the spot where Edward was sitting. His head was turned, looking out the window and thankfully not at me.

"Edward?" I whispered again. This time he turned his head towards me, finally unfrozen. I was surprised to see tears running down his face.

"Baby, I'm so sorry! I don't know what came over me. I don't know if I'll ever forgive myself for nearly hurting you." He said as he crawled towards me.

I didn't know what to say. I didn't know how to react. I just sat still as he wrapped his arms around me and brought me in for a hug. I was grateful he didn't try to kiss me, I knew I wouldn't be able to handle it right now. I flinched when he squeezed a little tighter, partly out of pain, partly out of fear. Edward started sobbing loudly, the smell of beer and sweat poured off of him, staining my blouse.

I was at a complete loss. Unsure of what to do, I locked my arms to my side and refused to look at him. My mind was fully alert, despite the exhaustion beginning to kick in. I felt weak and tired, but managed to keep my eyes open until I felt myself being laid on the bed.

When I finally woke up, there was a tray full of food and a glass of juice sitting on my side table. Rolling my eyes, I noticed a noted folded and placed on my alarm clock. I had no appetite to eat, but felt like I swallowed the Sahara Desert and downed the glass of juice.

Once I was showered and dressed, I took the time to read the note Edward had left. It was only slightly more than his typical apology letter, ending with the typical "Forever yours, Edward." I scoffed and threw the note in the trashcan.

I walked down the stairs and into the kitchen before I noticed that Edward wasn't home. I wasn't quite sure of what to do with myself. I felt like I was a total disaster. My marriage, my life, was quickly spiraling out of control. Eventually it might become nothing, if I didn't do something. I thought for a minute or two before deciding to stage an intervention, and I knew exactly who to call.

I grabbed my cell phone and purse and headed into La Push, where I could use the privacy of my friend Jacobs house. I didn't want to get caught by Edward, and Jacob would help me if I needed him to. Well, Jacob and his pack of friends.

When I finally got through to Dr. Cullen, it was late in the afternoon and I decided to make my way home after the phone call.

As I walked through the back door of mine and Edwards house, I was grabbed and something was tied over my eyes.

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**Well...**

**Hope you enjoyed. Constructive criticism is always welcome.**


	3. Ch2: Best Friends and a Bigger Problem

This story deals with drug use, mental and physical abuse. Please don't read if you're easily offended or triggered by this fact.

**Still doesn't belong to me. Ooh but I'd love to have a Jasper or Emmett lollipop to lick...**** mm-mm**

**And thanks to my wicked beta **FERALNESS **for beta'ing this for me. I think you're pretty awesome for taking this one.**

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Chapter 2

I let out a stifled scream and heard chuckling. I relaxed as soon as the chuckle registered in my brain that I knew who it was.

"Damn it, Em. How did you get in here?" I pretty much screamed.

"Relax, babe, the Pixie and I didn't take nothing of yours or stiffy lippy," he pouted.

I turned around and let out a small squeal of surprise. There standing at the entrance of my kitchen, with a smirk on her face, was my best friend that I hadn't seen in a few years. She had been away at school, in France of all places, studying fashion. I had missed her so much. She was my second love, my soul mate sister. As I went to her and bent over to give her a hug she had a small crease in between her eyebrows.

"Alice! Oh, Alice! I've missed you so much," I said with as much enthusiasm as I could muster.

She noticed something was wrong. We never missed anything about each other. She frowned at me, and I just gave a slight shake of my head. We didn't need to get into it in front of over-protective Stanley. She frowned a little deeper, but otherwise let it go. I was glad she understood.

Emmett and Alice Mccarty had always been protective over me. Ever since Alice and I could walk, Emmett has been our shadow, our saviour. There was one time, I remembered, the playground bully, an eight year old girl, trying to take mine and Alice's tea set. We were only six at the time, so we both did what any six year old would do, we screamed, we cried, and cue overprotective brother. We had been best friends since we were in diapers.

When Edward had come into my life, both Alice and Emmett had been skeptical. They weren't willing to admit that we could be on our own. I could handle it, Edward loved me and I loved Edward. I wish they hadn't been right. He did have a temper. He did have issues, outside of his mother's death. I just couldn't bring myself to see those things, I had on those love blinders. The saying "live on love", yeah that described us to a complete, "T". And still, Emmett and Alice warned me against the man I now called my husband.

"So, doll, where have you been? I even tried calling your phone, but no answer. There is so much I have to catch you both up on, but first, I'm going to get snacks and drinks. Be back in a bit, lovely girls," Emmett said as he walked out the door.

I knew the minute the door closed and Emmett's Viper was out of the driveway, my death warrant would be sealed. I mean, I would have to spill, I would have to have girl talk. I sucked in a breath, and pulled my sleeves over my bruised wrists.

Alice's eyes raised in silent question.

"Alice, please, I don't want to talk about it. All I want to do right now is get caught up with my best friend," I pleaded.

She started shaking her head at the same time I lowered mine. "It's just really embarrassing and I don't want to talk about it without talking to my husband first. I know he didn't mean to hurt me. It was an accident, he was drunk, and he's still grieving," I said the last part in one breath.

"Bella, honey. It may be embarrassing, but I know that it should be talked about. I'm your best friend. Okay, if Emmett heard me say that he'd kill me. I'm one of your best friends, please don't shut me out. Even if you can't talk to me, talk to somebody."

I didn't know what to say, so I just stared at her. My mouth was stubbornly clamped shut, and my hands were gripping the sleeves of my shirt. I gave my head a slight shake, partly to tell her no, and partly to clear it. I didn't want to think of last night. I wanted to burn the memory from my brain. My face may have betrayed my happiness that Emmett was back—my savior—yet again.

"Okay, girly's, I got a pizza, some Corona, and a butt-load of time, let's get caught up. I'll go first," Emmett said, cracking open a beer and sitting on my sofa.

The same sofa where Edward... NO! No, won't think about it.

I smiled at Emmett and thanked him when he handed me a bottle. I was vaguely aware of Alice staring at me, as I put an effort into pretending to pay attention to Emmett's story of the last six months of his life. The only thing that really caught my ear, was how much he was in love with his new girlfriend.

"... and so I think I'm going to pop the question," Emmett said—I didn't even know what his lovers name was—"Bella, you have been so quiet. Jealous aren't you?" he asked me.

"Oh, Em, don't worry about it. She sounds lovely. I'm just surprised you haven't introduced us to her yet. I'm just tired, and worried about a job interview I have coming up," I said, taking a sip of my beer. Most of it was true. She really did sound like a great person, and no I hadn't met her yet.

"Yeah right, Bellsy. I bet you have something great to tell us. Let me guess. Hmm, you're pregnant? No I don't think that's it." I knew he wouldn't stop until it came out, I had to stop him. I really didn't want to think about it.

"Oh shut it, Emmett, you know I'm not pregnant." I dropped it there, hoping he would too. I was grateful that he did.

A few hours and a pillow fight later, I decided that it would be a good idea to cook some supper for my guests. I left them to their chatting in the living room and made my way to the kitchen to start cooking something for dinner. I was surprised to see Edward sitting at the kitchen table. It was dark and there weren't any lights on, but I could still see that he was slouched over in the chair he was sitting in. His back rose and fell with each ragged sounding breath. I turned the light on, and he flinched, as if the light hurt his eyes. As I walked over to the table, I realized his clothes were in tatter's and he was bandaging his knuckles.

"Edward? What in the hell happened to you?" I questioned.

"Nothing, just a little scrap. Who's here?" he asked.

"Just Emmett and Alice. Alice just got back from France. I should ask them to leave." I started towards the living room.

"No let them stay. I'll go get some Chinese for us." He kissed my forehead and walked out the door.

I stood in the kitchen for a few minutes, to gather myself before facing my very over-protective best friends. I really didn't want to face the Spanish Inquisition tonight.

"Hey guys, Edward went to get some Chinese food for us. He insisted on the two of you staying for dinner, so, would you like to stay?"

Dinner could have gone better, but over-all it was good. Edward went back and forth between holding my hand lovingly above the table, to roughly rubbing my crotch under the table. I didn't understand what would possess him to act the way he was, but he was nonetheless. His eyes, were wide and his pupils dilated. He was almost acting jumpy, or paranoid.

We were done with our dinner, and Edward was currently pacing back and forth between the windows and door in the living room. Both of my friends looked at me with concerned eyes, I just shrugged my shoulders.

After we talked for a little longer, Emmett informed us that he had to get back to Rosalie and being Alice's ride, suggested she leave as well. I almost felt like begging them to stay. I didn't want another repeat of what happened last night, and I was afraid to be left alone with my own husband. That just wasn't right. Alice must have seen something in my eyes, because she offered to stay, but I quickly shook my head and told her we'd catch up another day.

Once my company left, I walked into the living room to confront Edward and tell him to sit down. I felt relieved when I saw him sitting on the couch. He was cocooned in a blanket and rocking back and forth. I wasn't quite sure of what to say, so I just sat on the couch beside him.

"Crack," was all he said, and I felt my eyes widen.

My husband didn't do drugs. I know he doesn't!

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**Sorry for this chapter, I had to introduce Alice and Emmett, I couldn't figure out a way to do so. The next chapter, I'm hoping to make up for this one. **

**Please review**


	4. Ch3:Oh no Doctor! Kidnapped?

**This story deals with drug and alcohol abuse, as well as mental and physical abuse. If you are easily triggered or are sensitive to this, please don't read.**

Well, chapter 3, amazing huh? Thanks to my beta **Feralness**, you truly are amazing.

A/N: Twilight and all of the characters of Twilight, belong to Mrs. Stephenie Meyer, I'm simply borrowing a few of them.

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My head was reeling. How my husband could have been using drugs without my knowing, was beyond me. I mean, I knew he was drinking and I knew he was gambling our money away, but to use drugs, especially crack? My mind was overloaded; I couldn't even form a sentence to speak to him.

I was only glad that Alice and Emmett weren't here to say, 'I told you so'. My own pain was enough for all of us. I loved Edward, I truly did, but if this didn't stop I wasn't sure what I was going to do. I didn't know how long I could stay with him if he continued to spiral downhill; I didn't want him to drag me with him, but I was willing to offer myself to go.

I wrung my hands and lowered my head; I couldn't get this bad feeling away from my being. Something bad was going to happen, something drastic. I had to stop Edward before he destroyed himself- destroyed us. I wouldn't let this end our relationship. I couldn't help but go back and forth. I loved Edward, but I wasn't sure if I could stay with him, while he destroyed what we had.

My phone started ringing. I checked the call display, and thankfully, it was Dr. Cullen. I checked on Edward, who was thankfully calmer, and moved into the kitchen, where I could have more privacy.

"Hello, Dr. Cullen. How are you?" I answered my phone, hopefully sounding confident and not at all worried.

"Mrs. Masen, I'm afraid I'm calling to post-pone our meeting, and intervention. Something has come up with my family, and I am needed here. I hope that this isn't coming at a bad time." Dr. Cullen said.

I couldn't help but grasp my hand to my head. This was not a good time. Something needed to be done, and now.

"No, of course not, Dr. Cullen, everything is fine here. I'm sure we can wait for another week," I weakly lied, my heart pounding in my chest.

The doctor was silent only for a moment. "Isabella, are you sure everything is fine? Please, if anything has escalated I won't hesitate to be there in only a few days." I looked into the living room before answering.

"You're right, Doctor. Edward had been using drugs. He told me its crack. I'm afraid, if this continues, he'll ruin us. I don't want to lose my husband, Dr. Cullen," I said in one breath.

"I'll be there by Friday. I really only need to be here for three of four days, and my wife can handle the rest of our situation. Please be prepared, Mrs. Masen. I'm afraid this isn't going to be very easy, on either of you."

I took a deep breath, and took down the necessary information, while trying to calm myself down.

As I was saying goodbye to Dr. Cullen, I turned around in time to see Edward walk out the front door. I didn't even want to imagine where he was going, but I knew that he would come home, broke, drunk and probably high. I just wanted to escape, to run away to Emmett's, or find Alice and cling onto her with all my might. I knew I couldn't though, I knew they would only tell me to leave him, to leave my Edward. That was something I just couldn't do. I couldn't phone Jacob; he hated Edward even more than Emmett and Alice. I was lost, and I was alone.

I fell to the kitchen floor and curled into myself. I felt isolated. I couldn't go to anybody. My father, I couldn't go to him, for fear that all the respect that Edward had earned with Charlie would be lost. I couldn't have that. Any love that my family had for my husband could not be lost.

I hated this.

I felt like crying, and so I did. I could feel the tears falling down my cheeks, and hear them splash on the floor. I didn't hear the door open, or the footsteps coming towards me, but I felt the arms curl around my neck and the backs of my knees. I knew I should care that I was being grabbed by somebody I didn't know, but I couldn't find the energy to. I only sobbed harder, and started shivering. I was emotionally exhausted, and I was physically drained; I had no fight left in me.

When I finally found the strength to open my eyes, I found myself in a dark room, lit only by the fire burning in the fireplace. I held my breath, as I scanned the room slowly. I had to keep my cool, my calm, although it was just a façade. I needed to keep a calm front, lest the kidnappers -or whatever the person or people were -used my panic against me.

I waited in the dark, for I'm not sure how long, waiting for whomever it was that had taken me to show themselves. Then I could demand to be let go-that and I really had to use the washroom. I started to pace the room, uncomfortable with a full bladder, and thirsty. I sat down on the couch, and crossed my legs. The pain of my full bladder was making me very uncomfortable. I decided to try the door, to see if it was unlocked. It was, but when I opened it, there was a massive figure on the other side. I screamed and stumbled back into the room.

"Geez, I scared you again huh? Bellsy, you need to relax babe. You're gonna go prematurely grey. Sheesh," Emmett said, and let out a loud belly laugh.

"Emmett, you big buffoon! I should have recognized this damn creepy room. What in the hell am I doing at your house?" I screeched.

"Well, Alice had a feeling you were going to need some extra friend time, and decided to send me back to your place to ask you for a sleepover. I didn't expect to find you on the kitchen floor crying your eyes out. What the fuck did that bastard do? He didn't hurt you did he, sweetie? He better not have," he continued on angrily, not giving me a chance to answer him. "If that boy laid a hand on you, I'll be laying both of mine on him!"

"No, Em, it's nothing like that. He didn't touch me. As for hurting me, yes he did, just not physically. I should have told you earlier, but I didn't want to talk about it. The truth is, he's been drinking, very heavily. I just called a doctor about getting him into a treatment facility, but something's come up with his family and now he can't come out until the end of the week. If he takes any longer, I'm afraid, Em, I'm afraid that it will be the end of us, the end of my marriage. I'm so scared, so frustrated, and I feel so alone," I whispered.

I felt Emmett's arm wrap around me, just as I saw Alice enter the room, with a knowing look on her face. I caught her eye, and asked for her forgiveness, I couldn't handle it when she stayed mad at me.

She nodded her head and joined mine and Emmett's hug. "I knew I shouldn't have left you alone baby-girl. I've just had this bad feeling all week, ever since I decided to come home for a visit." Alice mumbled into my hair.

"It's not your fault, Alice. Nobody could have predicted this. I just hope Dr. Cullen gets here before Edward completely self-destructs," I said.

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Well what you think? Leave me a review and let me know.

Thank you to those of you who alerted, and favorited my story. When I see those emails in my inbox, I can't help but smile.

From now on, I will be trying to update this story once a week.


	5. Ch4:Edwards PoV

This chapter deals with drug use. Please don't read if you're easily triggered or offended.

Okay, so I'm a fail at switching point of views and I had a hard time getting into Edwards head. I hope this chapter isn't a total disappointment.

A huge thanks to my beta **Feralness. **Attachments are way better. lol.

A/N: Twilight doesn't belong to me, I'm only borrowing the characters.

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I had fucked up royally; I had hurt my wife, my true love. My stomach did flip-flops and I felt like I was going to throw up. My marriage was on the brink of destruction, and I hated myself for it. It was after all, my fault. I'm not sure how things could get any worse, and then I saw my worst enemy; in the form of my dealer.

"Hey, man. How's it going? You up for some tonight or what?" he sneered.

"No, I'm not. I'm just on my way home. Maybe next time," I said, and mentally slapped myself for that last part.

"Come on, Eddie boy, you know you want to. I'll give you a great deal. Tempting, no?" he taunted.

What was that word again? Apparently, it had two letters and one of them was 'n'.

Ugh, I hated myself, more than my wife hated me, at that moment. I hated that I caused our marital break down, I hated that I caused her tears.

Damn it willpower, where in the hell did you go!

Without my knowledge, my feet followed the short, dirty man, into the alley, where my car was parked. He reached his stubby fingers into his pocket and pulled out a baggy that contained some sweet candy for me. I handed him some cash, got into my car and drove away. I didn't notice the tears that slid down my cheeks.

I drove to my usual spot and took out my pipe. I put in my candy, lit it and took a hit. At that moment conflicting emotions hit me, and I knew this was going to be a bad trip. Sweet bliss, from the high and torturous guilt, from the hurt I had caused my wife. I shuddered and put my pipe back in its place-I had to get home to my wife.

Suddenly, there was a pain on the right side of my head, right near my temple. I grabbed my head, and turned toward the direction of which the pain came. I'm not sure how long we fought for, and I wanted them to get the beating over and done with, so I did the logical thing. Covering my head, I lowered myself to the ground, hoping they thought they did it, and lay on the ground in a fetal position until the pounding stopped.

When they were done, I got up and went home. I saw a dark blue Viper sitting in my driveway, and groaned. Gorilla man was visiting my wife, joy. I didn't like him-Emmett- and he didn't like me. I got along with him and his sister for the sake of my wife; I was polite only because of her. I didn't like how Emmett looked at Bella sometimes, and I'm pretty sure he would snatch her up, if he was ever given the chance.

I started walking to the front door, but changed my mind when I saw the bobsy twins and my beautiful Bella sitting in the living room, on the sofa. Oh God, that sofa. I felt like burning it. I hated what I did to my wife, I hated that I almost attacked her-almost had my way with my own wife, against her will.

I let myself in through the back door, and went to the bathroom. I washed my cuts as quietly as I could, and took in my disheveled appearance. I had a gash above my left eyebrow, and my lip was swollen. The greatest things that were wrong with me, was the blood still running down my chin from my cracked bottom lip-that and my high was fading, and I felt myself wanting to chase it.

I hated being addicted to these things. My vices. I knew I was hurting, not only my marriage, but also myself, and my wife. I hated hurting her, Bella. I wanted to stop, I didn't want to chase it again, and I wanted to throw my pipe away, right then and there. I didn't. I stuffed it in a duffle bag that sat on the bathroom sink, along with some clothes, and brought the bag with me to the kitchen.

I'm not sure how long I sat at the table for, until Bella came into the kitchen and started looking for something to cook for dinner. So, we were having guests. Okay, I knew I could get through eating with them, I just had to wait a couple hours, and then I could take off. I had to get away from _her_, so I wouldn't hurt her any longer.

She noticed the cuts and bruises on my face, and I told her it was just a little scrap, nothing I couldn't handle. She gave me a weak smile, and went to the living room after I told her I'd get something to eat.

She didn't notice me grab my bag when I walked out the door to get take out.

I sat with her friends, and ate, listening to the tense conversation that was awkwardly made. I saw the looks of hate and suspicion pointed in my direction. I kept silent.

After the sprite and the gorilla man left our house, I went to the living room; I could have sworn I saw those guys that jumped me earlier. I wouldn't let my wife get hurt by somebody else; it was bad enough that I was hurting her. I paced the living room, unable to control my paranoia and need to chase my high.

When her phone started to ring, I was grateful. I was sat on the recliner, I couldn't sit on that damned sofa, and she looked relieved that I seemed to have calmed down. She moved into the kitchen, and I waited a few minutes before I walked out the front door. I didn't tell her I was leaving, or where I was going. I couldn't, because I didn't know. I just knew that I had to stop hurting her.

I couldn't stay away though, so after I drove around for a few hours, I went home. I had to apologize to my wife, I had to make amends. Somehow, someway, I would. I had to stop the childish bullshit; after all, I most definitely wasn't a child. I just missed my mom, and I was doing anything I could to forget that she was no longer with us.

Of course the more I drank, or smoked, or gambled, the more I sank into my grief. I felt like I was drowning. The more I struggled to surface, the further the surface got from me.

When I walked into my house-into our house-there wasn't a sign of my wife anywhere. Her phone and car were still here. I walked past the car in the driveway; the phone was open on the kitchen counter. I felt the panic start to rise in my throat.

Where in the hell was she?

* * *

So, what you think?

Please feel free to review. Also, I'm going to do my best to update on Sundays, but sometimes RL can be a bitch. Actually I have 2 beautiful babies that take up a lot of my time.


	6. AUTHORS NOTE

**AUTHOR'S NOTE**

_I'm sorry I haven't updated in awhile. Real life is pretty hectic right now. I'm in the process of relocating to my home town, and getting my sh*t together. I have also misplaced my inspiration for this story...have you seen it? If so dial 1-866-found-it and leave a message. LOL. However I am doing my damndest-is that even a word?-to get a chapter out. Be patient and you will be rewarded. Haha. In the meantime, I do check in every now and then at FFA over there on good ole Facebook...you could also drop me a line on Twitter...allybcat..._

_So, yeah...once again, sorry, and I'll try to get a chapter up real soon..._

**PS: I'll delete this authors note once I load a chapter...**


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